in treetops....

It was in the picture as a song played, and the feeling was involuntary. It started like a dumbed down response to touching a hot pan handle, inside below the breast bone. As the lyrics and melody were sprayed over the treetops, so too was the warmth inside spreading up into my chest and eyes..





It was beautifully overwhelming perhaps only given the pretty yet familiar scenery; painful maybe for the brokeness of reverie, the thievery of time and place. I felt flushed and started to cry as if two opposite perspectives were getting at each other’s backs with katana blades just after having shaken hands with the knowledge of harmony. It’s a brilliant ache of unfinished business; giving into the void of missing someone by feeling the way I did when friendship was current; being close to everything all at once via just one vessel; perceiving that depth but stuck on its transparent surface looking down, or stuck in the depth and unable to come up past a transparent top; having loved someone held up by strings that only they can see and fear puts a radiant parallel between the beautiful and the disheartening.

I have been told I have a nack for seeing deeper than the surface, but I’ve come to know it’s because there’s a reason. What I know isn’t everything, and that goes for everyone. When my own perspective is stirred into that of someone I’ve connected with, it is much more than simply different. It’s trustworthy, not because hey it sounds good but because the heart does what it must, our little minds only process it. I’m not only here with my perspective, but I was also ’there’ for the other person’s.

Where some, as reflex, would degrade where the other person is coming from, I simply feel inclined to marry myself to it just for the value of a more understanding perception altogether. I’m reminded of this when I lose control of my emotions as I’m looking into something through a thin blur on the surface of my eyes.

Another thing that I’ve come to appreciate is the knowledge that what I’m going through now with unanswered 'health conditions' has taken my mind off of a deep but deadend friendship in order to learn how to love and take care of myself - for it has been handfuls of years. And without knowing it I think we end up dropping such handfuls on our hearts.

After a while there’s no more room right there, and we’re standing there with a stupid look and our hands held up in front, open, expecting, asking "Well what now?" And that’s where I’m at. I’m happy to feel overjoyed with pain and beauty in a simple instance of image and melody; I’m reminded that I still have enough room inside to feel as deeply as I ever have, while I set out for necessarily selfish answers. But that is another story, Jen.

(Disclaimer) All written thoughts and submissions on this blog are mine, at anytime where I do submit something that does not belong to me, links will be enabled.